Trying to use colours to convey feelings...

Mark was trying to pay attention to her interesting musical tastes, but there were too many distractions.  He was finally at her house, sitting in her bedroom!  He must be one of the few boys at school who knew that her walls were strawberry pink with a cream border, or that her bedsheets matched the colour of her pale blue eyes.  Not that they would ever be more than friends, she’d made that perfectly clear in the past, but still, he was in her room, and for some reason that was important.

Only posting this one because it's important to remember your crap writing as well as your reasonable stuff.  The brief was to write a short story in five minutes that ended "From hate to love - the journey was only starting.".



“But I hate going to the theatre” protested Violet, for the seventh time that evening.  “You just have to sit there and be quiet while other people talk and sing at you, it’s just rubbish”. 

Violet’s family had been taking her to the theatre since she was five years old, and today, on her twelfth birthday, they had decided to surprise her with tickets to a musical.

“You’ll enjoy it when you get there” sighed Violet’s mother, “You always do, and at least Colin is coming with you”. 

“I hate Colin too!”, stormed Violet, much to the amusement of her mother, who simply led Violet  into the car where Colin was waiting, and then drove them both to the theatre.

As predicted, Violet had a wonderful night, and Colin proved to be excellent company.  Violet’s mother smiled, From hate to love - the journey was only starting.

Write for five minutes, beginning with the following:  As the mist cleared, I saw...

As the mist cleared, I saw a dark silhouette on the horizon, it looked strangely like a large gorilla with a hunchback, but I was too far away to tell for sure.  Was it the howl of the wind I heard, or was it coming from the strange creature in front of me?  There was only one way to find out, I had to have a closer look.

 

I headed right, towards the edge of the forest.  Perhaps, if I used the trees for cover, the strange creature would not see me. I brushed a spider from my cheek, slightly guilty at destroying its home, which had probably remained undisturbed for years.

 

The moon was shining brightly above, I was almost close enough to make out the features on the strange beast’s face.

Random Character - twins
Random Setting - Supermarket
Random Object - Teddy bear

Write a story about these things in five minutes

Once upon a time there were two brothers.  These brothers were twins, which sounds fun at first, until you realise that these two were 30 years old, and were still doing everything as a pair.  For the sake of anonymity we shall call these twins ‘Brian’ and ‘Bernard’.

As you may have guessed, Brian and Bernard lived together, and, as today was Saturday and it was exactly 2 o clock in the afternoon, it was time to go to the supermarket.  Essentials to buy this week included parsnips, a new comb for Bernard, and possibly a fruit salad to share in a moment of whimsy.

Upon arrival at the supermarket, Brian went to fetch a shopping trolley, and noticed something was already residing in the trolley’s large wiry compartment.

“Bernard?” Said Brian, “What do you make of this?”
“Well it’s a teddy bear of course”, explained Bernard, matter of factly.
“I do believe you’re right!” exclaimed Brian.

At that moment a mother and child came running up to them, Bernard guessed what had happened and handed them the teddy.  Both mother and child smiled in a gesture of thanks, before heading back the way they came.

“Well”, said Bernard, “Something like that doesn’t happen every day”
“No it does not”, agreed Brian, “This will be an interesting story to tell at the bridge club!”

The end

Rewrite the ending of these cliches:

Flat as a paving slab that’s been trodden on by an angry elephant being ridden by an extremely fat person.

Good as an Amish child who doesn’t know any better.

Faster than a squirrel escaping an angry dog

Charging around like an American Footballer playing for his scholarship

Slow as a car on the M25 in rush hour

Pretty as a Cornish meadow

As hard to find as a spade in a shop full of shovels

I’ve been staring at our silly looking orchid that I bought Katie about a year ago.  It seems to be suffering from all the signs of old age.  The leaves that don’t face the sun are drooping sadly towards the floor, and even the petals have pink wrinkles that wouldn’t look out of place an an old person’s lips, even if those lips would have to be covered in a lovely pink coloured lipstick.  There’s another flower, right next to the old one, that seems about ready to blossom.  I am tempted to squeeze it, but I don’t want to break it.

We never got round to taking the poor neglected shrub out of it’s tiny plastic pot.  I can see all the roots pushing against the side, trying to get out.  One root is even making its way out of the tub and towards the window, it reminds me of Little Shop of Horrors, although I’m not entirely sure why.

One of the leaves is slightly damaged, which is a shame because otherwise the leaves are a lovely luscious green.  They’re also wrinkled, but they’re more like the wrinkles you find in a nice thick carpet (the kind you sink your bare feet into) when the carpet is just slightly bigger than the room...

My alarm went off this morning, and before it had bleeped for more than a millisecond, I was out of bed, had turned my alarm off and was standing in the shower cubicle.  I grew impatient with the water, it took ages to reach my hair from the shower head.  Thankfully my hair absorbed the water like dry grass absorbs rain in the desert, so I was soon soaked.  I rubbed shampoo in into my hair before the first drops of water hit the floor of the bath, and I was quickly washed, dried, shaven and dressed.

Breakfast was a little slower, I do like to enjoy my food.  It took me at least 10 seconds to eat my four biscuits of weetabix, and then back to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

It’s a shame electric toothbrushes run on such slow batteries, I don’t know what I’d do without my nuclear powered super speedy phillips, with special tear-proof brushes!

Anyway it’s time to get to work, so I quickly leave my house and jog the 1.5 miles to work.  It’s a wet 5 minutes, it turns out no matter how fast you run, you can still get caught in the rain.

Not too pleased with my results on this one...

Uses for a newspaper

To find out the news
create photo collages
recycle it into something else
a paper hat
Build a large tower
Wrap up chips
interesting wallpaper
recreate the set of “Have I got news for you”
Collect the vouchers and get freebees and discounts!
Read enough to pretend to be interested in sport
Make papier mache models
roll it up and hit people over the head with it.
Hide behind it to spy on people
Put it next to you on a train so nobody sits there
put your chewed chewing gum in it, and wait for someone else to find it!
Hide a chocolate bar in it, and leave it for someone else to find!
Hide small items in there that you want to shoplift
use it to look busy, ignore the annoying person trying to talk to you.
Play Daily Mail Headline Bingo!   Words to look out for include Immigrant, Cancer, Bogus and outrage.
Rub against walls to leave a unique pattern of newsprint.
Do the crossword
Do the Sudoku
Rip it up to make bedding for pets.
Cut into the exact size of £10 notes, make fake wads of cash to use in cons.

Uses for a drinking glass

Put against walls to listen to the other side
Have a drink from it.
Smash it, to use as a weapon
Smash it and rearrange into a nice but dangerous ornament
recycle it
call it “an invisible cup” and sell it as a new invention to JML
Use as nose cone for glass model rocket
Add more glasses, juggle them.
Trap a bug
Use magnifying properties to inspect aforementioned bug
Use magnifying properties to set fire to bug
fill with water, call it “Sycamore tree”.  Replace “Oak tree” exhibition at Tate modern
Tell somebody it’s plastic, demonstrate this by hitting them over the head with it, run away quickly.
stare at it as a meditation tool.
Use as an interesting candle holder
Use it as a jelly mould
Use it as a watering can.
fill with water and put in garden to keep away cats.
Use as small but interesting lamp shade
Use as pen holder
use as pencil holder
Uses for a Cork

Stop things spilling out of bottles
Stick in your bum, see how far you can fire it
Attach to hats for australian theme
Attach string for novelty Christmas decoration
Carve it into a tiny man, or other model of your choice
Throw it at somebody
Throw it hard against the floor, watch it bounce
Aim at next door’s cats, or other unwanted animals.
Put in mouth to avoid eating someone’s horrible cooking
Put in pocket and squeeze when stressed.
Use as a fishing float
Play “Pooh Corks”, like pooh sticks, but with corks
Cork up message inside bottle, pretend to be Robinson Crusoe
Increase dexterity by trying to flick into a cup.
Ask people in the North East of Coventry to name the object your showing them (the cork), increase your knowledge of other languages and cultures.
Hang one out of a car window to measure wind speed.
Break up and put into nose to avoid bad smells.
Put in ears to avoid bad noises.

Uses for a button

Fasten clothes
Use in outrageous visual pun about pushing a button
Sew onto eyes, pretend to be a character from Coraline
Poor Person’s tiddlywinks!
Compare with various cute things, try and work out where the phrase “cute as a button” actually came from (do the same with bugs ears)
Use “Heads or tails” to make decisions
Try and fool a vending machine
Create tv series about cutlery visiting the moon in a baked bean tin and a fairy liquid bottle.
Put under a table leg to stop an annoying wobble
put with other buttons to create an eye catching mosaic
Use to button bottom lip to top lip
Add string to make Christmas decoration (yes I know I’ve already used that one)
Make a children’s book, have buttons on each page that they can feel

Uses For a Wastepaper basket

Store wastepaper in it
Store other rubbish in it
Store items that aren’t rubbish but that you want in one place
Use as a bucket
Wear it as a hat
Make a mini compost bin
bang it with a pen to make a new musical instrument
Stand on it to get your head above the crowds
Shout into it for good echolike effects
Cut a hole in the top, turn it into a lampshade
Put small holes in it, attach a hose , hang it in the middle of the garden for a strange sprinkler system.
Make a hole in the bottom.  Tell people “there’s a hole in my bucket”, see how far you can take the rhyme.
Use the cork in the previous exercise to plug the hole, thereby finding another use for the cork.
Make a pin prick in the bottom, use it to safely view eclipses.
Throw it at somebody, guess their reaction.
Attach electrodes to it and fill it with biscuits. - Fun Practical Joke
Cover top with clingfilm and watch people try to throw rubbish into it - Also a fun practical joke
Fill with your favourite drink for a large capacity refreshment.
Put it over your head and hide until these silly exercises end.

Uses For an old Ironing Board

Iron Clothes
Turn upsidedown and use as snowboard
add wheels and use as longboard
Use as an example of a random object in a creative writing exercise
tap various parts of the structure to create a musical instrument
Use to block someone’s entry
Remove legs and attach to wall to become a noticeboard
Hang from the ceiling for some postmodern art deco
Use in snow to create fake footprints of bigfoot
Secure feet to ground, stand on ironing board to reach high places
Cover in plain fabric and use it as an instant art canvas.
Get it out occasionally just before partner gets home, pretend you’ve done some ironing
Use the creaky folding noise as a special effect in a horror movie
Sit on it and slide down the stairs

Choose some random abstract nouns...

Life, Amusement, Religion

Choose some normal random nouns...

Ferry, River, Paintbrush, Pen, Puppy, Sock Swan

For each combination, complete the following sentance  "[Abstract] is like a [normal] ...."

Ok here goes...  (I'm not too happy with my "Amusement" answers, but that was a silly word to choose anyway)

Life

Life is like a ferry, it keeps going, even when it’s stormy.

Life is like a River, it can be beautiful even when it’s full of crap.

Life is like a paintbrush, it’s not useful when it’s clean and unused.

Life is like a pen, it’s how you use it that matters

Life is like a puppy, it produces crap that must be dealt with

Life is like a sock, it can be odd.

Life is like a swan, it can start off ugly but develop into something beautiful.


Amusement

Amusement is like a ferry, it moves with the tides

Amusement is like a River, it flows naturally.

Amusement is like a paintbrush, it comes in many different varieties.

Amusement is like a pen, it can be a useful weapon,

Amusement is like a puppy, it’s easily excitable

Amusement is like a sock, it’s different for everyone.

Amusement is like a swan, it can be graceful or vicious


Religion

Religion is like a ferry, it’s made popular by travellers.

Religion is like a River, it can be shallow or deep.

Religion is like a paintbrush, it can handle many different colours.

Religion is like a pen, there are times where it doesn’t work.

Religion is like a puppy, it sees everything in black or white.

Religion is like a sock, the weird ones attract attention

Religion is like a swan, it is both feared and admired.

I walk somewhere on most days.  It’s the curse and the privilege of not being able to drive.   I walk to work on the days where Katie isn’t also working, and most days I walk home.

It’s not that I’m particularly good at walking.  The bones in my legs are apparently twisted round, and Katie jokes that she recognises the ‘clunk clunk’ sound that my feet make when  I try and sneak up on her outside of her office.  Sometimes if I’m not concentrating I walk at a silly angle, or kick my ankle with my foot (just before Christmas I slipped on a perfectly non-slippy piece of pavement, lots of nice Asian people asked if I was ok).  I’m not going to win any medals for my feats of athleticism in the field of perambulation, but I do enjoy walking!